


in my aching head (i got my kisses slit)

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The first time Viktor notices Yuuri's pills, the first time Yuuri notices Viktor's own cocktail of medication, and the first time they talk about it.





	in my aching head (i got my kisses slit)

**Author's Note:**

> give me bipolar viktor or give me death. somehow i made a fic about mental health fluffy?? 
> 
> enjoy!!

i.  
Viktor notices Yuuri's cocktail of pills for the first time before Onsen on Ice. He's been too preoccupied with making him reciprocate his feelings on top of coaching him to notice his morning routine. He stretches, medication in his hand and a glass of water in the other.

He looks tired and fidgety, jiggling his leg. He puts the three pills in his mouth and downs them with water. He wonders if it's for anxiety, or something else he doesn't know about. Yuuri might be the best and only JSF-approved skater, but he's way beneath the radar.

Viktor has seen a subreddit about him and his fans, although it doesn't have many members and most of them seem to be Japanese. He's read about his anxiety attacks, first one during a competition happening on his second year at Juniors. He doesn't know what it's like to feel so nervous before competitions. Having the certainty he'd win probably helps with that not happening.

He sighs as he skates towards Yuuri. He appreciates his features as he puts the glass of water in a table near the ice. "Yuuri, let's practice for tomorrow!" he exclaims, the smile he's learned to fake over the years reigning over his face. It's half-true right now, but he avoids showing his dimples.

"Alright," Yuuri nods. There's an air of determination in him, although his skate guards are still on and he's jiggling his leg still.

"Think of the katsudon," he tells him as he takes them off and pushes himself into the ice. He looks as he does his routine well, how even without Eros playing he can hear the notes; Yuuri creates music with every one of his jumps and his steps.

He lets himself smile truly for a second, as Yuuri isn't paying attention to anything besides capturing Eros and skating. He realizes this man has him completely enamored, and all his fantasies of romance his moms have put into him seem to be coming true on this ice as Yuuri skates to sexual love.

Viktor thinks for a stray second he should go take his medication soon, but he lounges back instead. He lets himself stay, let his breath get taken away; he can take them later.

ii.  
Yuuri first notices Viktor's medication after their first kiss. His heart is still beating hard, trying to understand what just happened. His fears of just being a publicity stunt have faded with time, but now that Viktor kissed him with all the feeling in the world... he can discard of them.

They're in the same hotel room, although he checked five times for there to be two beds and not one. Viktor looks uncertain as he stares at his shoes; mildly gloomy, almost. He feels confused and kind of anxious— he just kissed him, why does he look so sad?

Viktor gets up from his bed and opens one of the bags he brought with him to Beijing. Yuuri sees him struggle with a pill container for a few seconds before taking two pills and putting them into his mouth. Yuuri watches with a slight frown as he goes to get water and drinks a bit, his Adam's apple bobbing the slightest bit.

Viktor turns around with a soft smile, the same he wears in interviews but with a twinge of honesty that doesn't seem to be there most of the time. "So," he starts, and Yuuri feels like he forgot how his voice sounded for a few minutes. He loves it, his Russian accent as he stumbles around in English. It's even cuter when he's trying to speak Japanese. "Do you — Yuuri, do you..." he fiddles with his fingers. He looks adorably nervous. "Wanna date?"

"Oh, of course." His heart beats against his chest, thumping and roaring on his ears. He feels like he's going to implode as Viktor looks at him like there's something beautiful to appreciate in him. He flings himself towards Viktor and they hug for a long minute, the taller man making a sound of content as his hand digs into Yuuri's shoulder.

Viktor grins; Yuuri notices the pill container in the table. The hotel room feels a little too small. He's sure he sees dimples on Viktor's face, but maybe he's imagining things. "I love you," he admits, voice honeylike.

"I-I love you too," he admits, eyes blown wide, and Viktor catches him into his lips. It's warm, not as clumsy as the one they shared in the rink. He lets himself wrap his arms around the other man's middle and he lets his worries disappear as he kisses him.

It all seems okay for a second.

iii.  
It takes them two weeks after the Final to start talking about their mental health. Viktor knows like the back of his hand that Yuuri's prone to feeling anxious, and Yuuri knows to some degree that he had a depressive episode. There's a lot more than that, though, and they both know it.

Viktor is the one to start it. They're lounging in his soft, never used two people-sized bed. It's main use has been sleeping after getting blast out drunk and one night stands, as he's more keen on hotel beds and the sofa, curled against Makkachin.

"What medication are you taking, Yuuri?" he asks, leaving a soft kiss on the other man's temple. He sighs, and Viktor can't help but snuggle closer to him. Their legs are a mess under the covers, and he feels warm inside out. Yuuri looks up at him and Viktor kisses him.

The world stays still. Then, Yuuri answers, "I don't ever remember the names." He smiles. "But it's just an antidepressant that also helps with anxiety." He puts his hand on Viktor's hip and he feels warmer, blood rushing to his face. "I saw you with a cocktail of pills too."

"Mhm," Viktor nods bedore turning around and moving before taking his box of pills on his hands. It's small, a bit larger than his hand, and it holds all of them. He shows it to his fiancé.

"Antidepressants?" Yuuri asks, his brows furrowed in interest and curiosity. He's so different than the guy he met at Sochi and the man he met at Hasetsu — he loves how much he's changed.

"No," Viktor shakes his head, "mood stabilizers."

Yuuri's brows go from furrowing to being raised in a second. His mouth is open for a few seconds before he closes it and looks at him, perplexed. "Well, it... wasn't publicized."

"My first manic episode was when I was twenty. Wasn't treated, so it carried on for a year and a half. I came crashing with a terrible depression; Yakov made me get antidepressants. I got diagnosed after I started hallucinating." He explains quickly. He doesn't say how he got mood stabilizers in January, after Sochi, how it made him feel like a zombie for a long while.

"I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was... eighteen or so. Before Detroit. Didn't get meds for it until two years ago."

"Not like it helped much," Viktor adds unhelpfully.

Yuuri pouts before kissing his jaw. "Not like it helped much," he echoes. He's smiling again, all wide and showing his teeth. Viktor feels like the cameras will talk about his dimples again, but he still smiles like he should. With honesty.

"The other ones are antipsychotics," he informs, not bothering to mention what other ones he's talking about.

Yuuri nods. He seems overtaken by sleep for sudden. Viktor loves his handsome prince, hair a terrible mess and his glasses somewhere in the floor. "We should put reminders for our meds somewhere," he says.

Viktor smiles and kisses Yuuri's hair. It doesn't smell perfect, he hasn't showered since before practice, but it's Yuuri's smell. He loves him too much to care, and as he talks about the issues he thought he'd never tell his Prince Charming, he feels good.

"We should," he nods and kisses his forehead. Yuuri's eyes are full of adoration as he buries his face in Viktor's neck. Makkachin whines as she prods at his legs and Viktor chuckles.

Viktor would say how much Yuuri has helped him in his road to recovering, but the man is probably too sleepy to even comprehend. He pats Yuuri's hair as he starts to snore weakly.

Everything's fine, and his fear of his relationship falling apart because of his illnesses are dissipated.


End file.
